Pitch One & Feedback.

Treatment of story.


Lauren a 20 year old woman has been addicted to drugs ever since the age of 15, to a bad upbringing at childhood.She became pregnant at the age of 18 after being forced to have a sexual encounter with an older man who was blackmailing her because of her vulnerablilty.
At age of 20 she suffered the loss of her 2 year old daughter ho acidently drowned in the local park river, lauren at this time was still on drugs and blamed herself for not paying attention to her 2 year old who run out of sight without the assistance of her mother resulting her to falling into the river.
After ther death of her child she fell into deep depression and became more obsessive with taking drugs, she began to self harm herself and began to suffer from epileptic fits frequently.To help her condition she turned to rehab for help but after a number of attempts she gave up trying and went back to her old habit.
'This brings us to our opening sequence'
We see the silloouhette of lauren who has collapsed due to an overdose on drugs, she is clutching her arm which has been tied with a belt where she has been injecting herself.
On the table next to her lies all her late daughters toys that she has been reminisicng on, however in contrast to this next to the toys lies the lines of cocaine that she has been sniffing.
On the wall next to her hangs the pictures of her child made into a collage of rememberance.




Feedback from 1st pitch.


Likes
Deborah " I like the story line in general , the way it flows from present to past ,back to present"
Josh " I like the chronological order of the way the film is presented and the effect of the sillouhette used to portray Lauren"
Ms Nair "Powerful opening, good how it starts with present to past"
Dislikes/Improvements
Josh " It would be more realistic to use a belt or rubberbands used to tie round her arm rather than cloth"
Abigail "To dramatic (..) unlikely for all events to happen to one person so young"
Ms Nair " Think about attention to detail , make it visually intense for example drugs and the baby objects".